Today my oldest baby is 27. I played over and over for her the lyrics to "The Best Gift" by Barbra Streisand. I am trying so hard to focus on positive memories - why do the horrible ones overshadow?
Like the year 1997, knowing I had to bring Tony to the hospital 12/26, knowing he would probably start actively dying, barring a miracle.
The 1995 - last normal Christmas with him hoping the lump would react to the antibiotics he was on. Needless to say, it didn't. The first one without him, in 1998, when I had my first panic attack a few days before, went through the motions, then got the flu with Ashley Christmas night. The Christmas Eve Bo got hit by a car and spent the night in the vet hospital. He was okay though.
I miss when my girls were little and I made yarn loops to count down the days till Santa came. And the Advent calendar, where every year, Ashley ate the whole months worth of chocolate by Dec. 3 and always got a second one. Wonder why she's spoiled. When she climbed on a chair to reach the top of the refrigerator to get the candy.
Tony and I got engaged on Christmas of 1981. Wayne and I got engaged on Christmas of 2006. Those were good ones.
Now I live in a place the both of us can't leave too long, since we have to keep a fire going for survival and heat, we've had trespassers, and the pipes could freeze. And the girls dogs have to be taken care of. It's really hard, and I'm really tired.
So good health, and good luck, and love, is all I wish for. And peace.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Hunting season
Well, the good news is there was very light traffic this morning. The bad news is, that's because it's hunting season. Grown men are out there with guns. And they are not all the brightest bulbs. First of all, why do you need to drive a camo Hummer when you live in suburbia? WTF do you think you could possibly need that ugly, gas guzzling tank to do for you? Get a good spot at Wal-Mart?
Okay, I know some people hunt to eat. Not talking about them. (Also, I believe that is one percent, if that). Why yes, bears can be a nuisance and a few of them are aggressive. HELLO???? Have you met the population? Of people? MOST of them are a nuisance, and many of them are aggressive. When do I get to sit in a tree and pick them off? Never - that's murder.
And the deer are going to be hit by cars. Well, the people are going to die of something too. Start loading! And I know from last year that the geniuses set up a "weigh station" or whatever the hell you call it, at the most congested traffic light on my way home. So yes, again, it's all about me. I do not want to sit in traffic, but I REALLY don't want to watch these Bubbas with their dead trophies.
I see the wildlife on my property, and it is so awesome. The thought of killing any of them for sport makes me want to vomit. It isn't nature - that takes care of itself. It's morons who think they are manly by killing. Not so different from some of those in prison. Shit. I hate this time of year. "Peace on earth, good will toward man, now ready, aim, fire."
Okay, I know some people hunt to eat. Not talking about them. (Also, I believe that is one percent, if that). Why yes, bears can be a nuisance and a few of them are aggressive. HELLO???? Have you met the population? Of people? MOST of them are a nuisance, and many of them are aggressive. When do I get to sit in a tree and pick them off? Never - that's murder.
And the deer are going to be hit by cars. Well, the people are going to die of something too. Start loading! And I know from last year that the geniuses set up a "weigh station" or whatever the hell you call it, at the most congested traffic light on my way home. So yes, again, it's all about me. I do not want to sit in traffic, but I REALLY don't want to watch these Bubbas with their dead trophies.
I see the wildlife on my property, and it is so awesome. The thought of killing any of them for sport makes me want to vomit. It isn't nature - that takes care of itself. It's morons who think they are manly by killing. Not so different from some of those in prison. Shit. I hate this time of year. "Peace on earth, good will toward man, now ready, aim, fire."
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