Why can I remember most of my second grade classmates, but not to stop for bread? I think I have so much useless information clogging my brain that there isn't enough disc space left.
But the worst part is not being able to forget things I don't want to remember. With no intention, I remember almost every date when Tony had important doctors' appointments. The first cold day brings back the horrible day of diagnosis. I remember like it was yesterday, not 16 years ago, walking outside to breathe after the doctor told me it was malignant and that he would tell Tony when he woke up. And being afraid to go back in the hospital and life as we knew it coming to an end. With an 8 and 10 year old.
The death anniversary is coming up, and while I feel much better than I did in the past, I still feel so sad and can remember the "countdown". The Sunday in the coma in the living room, and he died Monday morning. The last thing he said to me was "Get some rest - you need to sleep and take care of yourself".
These are memories I both treasure and detest. I wish I could remember the good, without all the bad. But that is life isn't it? Can't enjoy the good as much without the bad.
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