I'm so happy to help you!

Why do some people think they are entitled to everything? If a doctor has about 600 patients, why should the lowly office manager remember the details of 600 insurance plans? You have ONE insurance - if you can't keep track of it, how the hell do you think I can?
And leaving a voice mail, with no phone number, and identifying yourself as "Mary". Oh gee, that narrows it way down! And make sure you speak so slowly through the message, with every boring fact that has nothing to do with the call; then, when you are going to leave your call back number, babble it so fast that I have to replay the message from hell three times to get your number!
Then, call at 9 and ask a standard, non-urgent, question. Then, call back at 9:10 to see what the Dr. said. The doctor said nothing!!The doctor is seeing patients and doesn't need to be alerted to your call. Everyone is so me-me-me.
And I'm not talking about sick people. Really sick people will get the attention they deserve; they also are the ones who are "sorry to bother you, but since my arm is falling off, can I come in next week sometime?" Whereas the grown men who wake up with a runny nose need to be seen ASAP!! "How long has your throat been sore?"  "Since I woke up!!" Have a lozenge and drink some tea.
Do not describe your bowel movements to the receptionist when you call. Especially since you think it's connected to your runny nose. It isn't.
And when you are 40 years old, do NOT have your mommy make your appointment. I then ask "How old is little Johnny?" and the mother says "40, but he's young for his age". Make that stupid for any age.
And please don't ask me why the law can't change so that we keep only YOUR chart way longer than seven years. It is seven years since we last had contact  with you. So if you call in 2002, then call back in 2011, don't act like we have lost the secrets to the universe.
And, one more thing. Don't call me to ask if your prescription is ready. Do we look like a pharmacy? Do we sell candy and cigarettes? How about you call the pharmacy? They should know if they have filled your prescription.
Okay, time to smile and deal with it all!

I am not kidding

I am on hold with Horizon, trying to get the 2.00 owed to us on a claim. Swear to you, my representative's first name is Bon Jovi. I just give up. Are things this bad? Have they run out of all other names to make up? Can I get Cher please??

Goodbye, Regis

Why was I more emotional than Regis Philbin on his last show? Well, he has had a wonderful career and life and is loved by many. I wasn't a total wreck, but I was about on par with Kelly Ripa - and she's getting the whole show!
I met Regis and Kathie Lee many years ago when a friend and I went to their show. They stood on stage after the show and greeted and signed autographs for anyone in the audience who wanted. I had Kathie Lee sign - a baby picture of my Ashley. Lori (my friend) had Regis sign my Amanda's picture. (We had no paper with us at all - it's what was in my wallet).
And I still like Kathie Lee. I love her album that I still listen to. She seems kind.  And Regis seemed like what you see is what you get. A nice man.
Television has often made me cry. When Gary got killed on "Thirtysomething", I didn't sleep that night. I also cried when Boner joined the service on "Growing Pains". And I am a mess on the final episode of any show; even if I never really watched it alot, tell me it's over and I'm there. Then I curse that I didn't watch it enough.
A lot like life - appreciate it when it's here - not when it's ending!!

Music, Music, Music

They have started playing all Holiday music on the stupid radio station. This started November 14. Come on!! What's worse is, they don't have a large selection of songs.
I realize that my favorite Christmas songs are really sad. My all time favorite is "My Grown Up Christmas List".  When I heard the song the first time, Tony had cancer and the line "No more lives torn apart" really touched me. I still love that song. But really, we all have our life soundtracks.
I must admit there is a long disco period; mostly Cher. But, at the same time, I had my Barry Manilow.  I had an embarrassing habit of writing lyrics of songs to express my feelings. I no longer do that - now I just write the lyrics in my journal.  And my theme for a long time now is the line "I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life. My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with".
When Wayne and I were dating, a song came on and he said "Hey! That's my song!" and it was "Angry Young Man".  I said the next song that played on the radio would be me. I asked for it. The next one was Queen. "Fat Bottomed Girls". Really.  So after that, I said the next one would represent our relationship; "Highway to Hell" came on. I can't make this up.
But somehow, even with the sad songs speaking to me, country music is so real life; a lot of it expresses disappointment, but moving on. "Bye, bye, love, I'll catch you later, got a lead foot down on my accelerator, and I ain't looking back" is the perfect divorce song.
But, even with all the negative, there are two Gloria Estefan songs that really sum up my feelings; "Coming Out of the Dark" and "Always Tomorrow".
So, "Dream On", "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow", "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" and "Put On Your Sunday Clothes" when you feel down and out! and "Don't Rain on My Parade"!

I should've known at the senior prom

Okay, so maybe I should've known my life wouldn't  go according to plan when my prom date left with another guy.
I should start at the beginning. I will use initials for all the characters, who are real people. A few weeks before the prom, my loser boyfriend broke up with me.
I called every single male I knew to go with me. No luck. Let me mention at this time one of my best friends was a guy, T, who I was in denial about, but was gay.  Now my best girlfriend, R, had a boyfriend who lived in Oklahoma and couldn't come, so T was to be her prom date. My mother girlfriend, D, had a boyfriend who was 28 and , technically, married. So she couldn't tell her family about him, and pretended T was to be her date. (All the moms loved him).
Well, T tells me to invite S - an old boyfriend of mine who I broke up with after he gave my father the finger. I wasn't allowed to hang out with him. So, I pretend T is my date.
T picks up R, presents her a corsage, and poses for pictures. T picks up D, does the picture thing, and drops D at the garage where her date awaits (he owned the garage). Now R and T come get me, pretending we are picking up R's date on the way; pictures, blah, blah.
We pick up S on the way.
About an hour into the prom, R and I notice our "dates" are gone. I have forgotten to mention that one of the reasons I broke with S was he thought he was attracted to men (I had something important on my 17 year old mind, like my hair or something).
After some asking, it was determined the boys had gone out to "get a beer". Uh huh. R then asked me what kind of losers go to the prom with guys who would rather be with each other. I told her exactly what kind of losers, and she was speaking to one, and she was the other.

I want to start over

There's a theory that we pick our path in life before we're born. Well, I think I must have been lazy and got on the short line. The one where life will continue to be disappointing, heartbreaking and hard.
The long line was probably the one where your biggest problem would be getting a convenient nail appointment.
I have no patience for whiny princesses (and they come in men, too) who cannot handle the least little problem. Oh No! I have to clean out the garage. Well, gee, we have to make firewood to have heat to stay alive. We have to cover the stuff outside with tarps because we can't afford to build the barn.
People get upset when they don't get the play tickets they prefer; it's a good week when we can afford gas to get to work, gas to run the saw to make the wood to heat, and dog food. Ice cream from the supermarket is a treat.
A broken nail is not a tragedy; being on line to pick up the anti nausea drugs for your dying husband is a bit worse.
I once heard a woman say "I told him, if I can't have a new minivan, I don't want anything!" and her assisine friends were in agreement.
I see horrible parents whose kids grow up and adore them. Can't do enough for them. I loved and coddled and adored my babies, and they hate my husband and tolerate me. Life is so hard. And I'm whining again and I'm sorry - but at least you're invited to my pity party.

Life and Grief

When Tony, my first husband, was 36, he got cancer. It was Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The "good" kind. It had been curable for several decades. He did everything right, from treatment to the best attitude in the world. Two years later, he died at home.
Hundreds of people came to his wake. All said "If there's anything I can do...." and I'm sure they meant it.  Why is it then, that my two kids (HIS two kids, also), who were only 10 and 13 at the time, and I were so easily forgotten? Don't get me wrong - some people were wonderful - and still are.
But did anyone wonder what it was like to raise two kids on your own on a receptionist's salary? And why did anyone wonder why, after ten years or so, everything caught up with me? That I had mortgaged myself into a huge hole to provide for my kids?
I know many people have it far, far worse than I do. I'm not comparing. But sometimes I think if each of those people who offered help sent me $10.00, I wouldn't be in such a mess.
Wow - that's not what I intended to write. I wanted to mention my Bereavement Support Group. Going on over six years now, I have met the most incredible people. And that has been a real blessing - I have forged a closeness with people I never would have met otherwise. My best friend is a woman I met at the Teen Bereavement Camp I bribed my girls to attend (Backstreet Boys tickets were involved).
And I would do anything in the world to bring Tony back - anything. But since I don't have that power, I AM grateful for the blessings of the beautiful people I now know. And THAT'S what this post was going to be about!
Good night all!