When we had the post office box, we didn't get there more than twice a week and there was always a TON of mail shoved in the little box. Now that we have one at the end of the very long, hilly driveway, we walk to check it several times a day, since the schedule changes daily.
Since I'm a really big chicken, and when I'm home I like to check, it takes preparation to go. First of all, the bears are not any more afraid of me than the deer are. However, I am ALOT more afraid of bears than deer. So I put on my bug-stay-off-me hat. Then I put my phone in my pocket. I carry a baseball bat, in that casual way to imply I may just feel like softball (ha ha ha). Then I sing all the way up and down the hill.
You've got the picture, right? Nerd alert.
After all this, there is often no mail. We all know AARP starts sending out feelers once you hit 46; we're used to that. Then this year, my health insurance company (who gets most of my salary) sent me a "Hey, we know you're 50, hope you had a great birthday, now get a freaking colonoscopy". That was fun mail.
But the icing on the old cake was Wayne's mail this weekend - Wayne will be 57 next month. He got - wait for it - an invitation to take a look at the assisted living facility! I found this quite fun, as he is still trying to build a house with his two bare hands (and two very sore feet, and every other body part that hurts). He didn't share the laughter.
So, I risk my life (okay-just my dignity) to be insulted by our mail. Interesting concept. Wonder why the postal service is losing money? UPS and FEDEX just bring gifts (even if we pay for them) - THEY don't rub it in.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Some days are better than others...
It all started when my husband and I decided to take a stand and change banks due to their rising fees. Easy, right? We opened the new checking account, are ready to close the old one.
Problem one - totally my fault - forgot that new bank held my deposit for ten days, while I joyfully paid my bills. Oops. Okay, no checks bounced, all but one NSF fee reversed.
Problem two - debit cards have not yet arrived, two and a half weeks later. Could swear the nice lady said a week to ten days.
Okay, will write checks or use cash.
So after a really long day at work, where everyone and their mother wanted me to do something for them, I stop at the old Walmart for the elegant items of cookies and rat poison. Not to have together; and the poison is for outdoor rats on farmland, so it isn't as bad as it sounds.
My check is declined by the Walmart "telecheck" thingie. I have no cash. I have no debit card yet. I call the 800 number to be told by a machine that the check was declined and they don't know why. (This IS the number to call to find out why check was declined, by the by). I tell nice Walmart boy to hold my order while I run to the bank.
I have 7 minutes to make it to the drive thru before they close. I drop my cell phone in the parking lot. I make it to the drive thru and shout thru the tube to the nice teller what has happened. She checks. Says no reason the check should have been declined - nothing wrong with account, plenty of funds available.
I get cash. Try to return my daughter's call. Phone is not working. When I dropped it, I guess something happened. I can now text, but cannot hear other person. They, I found out, can hear me, which makes it quite amusing for them.
Went back, paid cash for rat poison and cookies and came home.
Another fun filled, Lisa Douglas (my Green Acres self) day. Back on the old farm I am now drinking 4 ounces of wine - the remaining Weight Watchers points I have for today.
Have a fun night all!!
Problem one - totally my fault - forgot that new bank held my deposit for ten days, while I joyfully paid my bills. Oops. Okay, no checks bounced, all but one NSF fee reversed.
Problem two - debit cards have not yet arrived, two and a half weeks later. Could swear the nice lady said a week to ten days.
Okay, will write checks or use cash.
So after a really long day at work, where everyone and their mother wanted me to do something for them, I stop at the old Walmart for the elegant items of cookies and rat poison. Not to have together; and the poison is for outdoor rats on farmland, so it isn't as bad as it sounds.
My check is declined by the Walmart "telecheck" thingie. I have no cash. I have no debit card yet. I call the 800 number to be told by a machine that the check was declined and they don't know why. (This IS the number to call to find out why check was declined, by the by). I tell nice Walmart boy to hold my order while I run to the bank.
I have 7 minutes to make it to the drive thru before they close. I drop my cell phone in the parking lot. I make it to the drive thru and shout thru the tube to the nice teller what has happened. She checks. Says no reason the check should have been declined - nothing wrong with account, plenty of funds available.
I get cash. Try to return my daughter's call. Phone is not working. When I dropped it, I guess something happened. I can now text, but cannot hear other person. They, I found out, can hear me, which makes it quite amusing for them.
Went back, paid cash for rat poison and cookies and came home.
Another fun filled, Lisa Douglas (my Green Acres self) day. Back on the old farm I am now drinking 4 ounces of wine - the remaining Weight Watchers points I have for today.
Have a fun night all!!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Memory Tricks
Why can I remember most of my second grade classmates, but not to stop for bread? I think I have so much useless information clogging my brain that there isn't enough disc space left.
But the worst part is not being able to forget things I don't want to remember. With no intention, I remember almost every date when Tony had important doctors' appointments. The first cold day brings back the horrible day of diagnosis. I remember like it was yesterday, not 16 years ago, walking outside to breathe after the doctor told me it was malignant and that he would tell Tony when he woke up. And being afraid to go back in the hospital and life as we knew it coming to an end. With an 8 and 10 year old.
The death anniversary is coming up, and while I feel much better than I did in the past, I still feel so sad and can remember the "countdown". The Sunday in the coma in the living room, and he died Monday morning. The last thing he said to me was "Get some rest - you need to sleep and take care of yourself".
These are memories I both treasure and detest. I wish I could remember the good, without all the bad. But that is life isn't it? Can't enjoy the good as much without the bad.
But the worst part is not being able to forget things I don't want to remember. With no intention, I remember almost every date when Tony had important doctors' appointments. The first cold day brings back the horrible day of diagnosis. I remember like it was yesterday, not 16 years ago, walking outside to breathe after the doctor told me it was malignant and that he would tell Tony when he woke up. And being afraid to go back in the hospital and life as we knew it coming to an end. With an 8 and 10 year old.
The death anniversary is coming up, and while I feel much better than I did in the past, I still feel so sad and can remember the "countdown". The Sunday in the coma in the living room, and he died Monday morning. The last thing he said to me was "Get some rest - you need to sleep and take care of yourself".
These are memories I both treasure and detest. I wish I could remember the good, without all the bad. But that is life isn't it? Can't enjoy the good as much without the bad.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Now I can't complain anymore!
Since all I usually do is complain here, I need to shut myself up and express thanks. I am so grateful to my family and friends for the incredible birthday weekend. First of all, I really am thankful that I am 50 (sputter, spit, sigh), since poor Tony only lived to be 38. And I am lucky to have a husband that loves me and does so much work for me - starting when he fixed my old house so the bank would allow someone to buy it, as opposed to foreclosure; that saved my butt. Thank God for Short Sale! And all the car repairs, heat, hot water, roads, plumbing, electric, homemade pizza, and baked goods!!
My daughters, who even though they don't always act it, showed so much love by giving me the party (that my parents helped so much with - another thanks!).
My friends, who showed up even though they should be sick of me by now.
And my "angels" - won't embarrass anyone, but there are a few people who have moved me beyond words with their generosity; you have no idea how much you have helped. One was just yesterday, the other has been ongoing for quite a while.
This is just a giant THANK YOU!!
And soon I will be back to complaining again.
My daughters, who even though they don't always act it, showed so much love by giving me the party (that my parents helped so much with - another thanks!).
My friends, who showed up even though they should be sick of me by now.
And my "angels" - won't embarrass anyone, but there are a few people who have moved me beyond words with their generosity; you have no idea how much you have helped. One was just yesterday, the other has been ongoing for quite a while.
This is just a giant THANK YOU!!
And soon I will be back to complaining again.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
The real working poor
I won't get into politics. I have my views, but no one really cares to hear them. My problem with all politicians is that they really have NO idea what it's like to be poor.
They picture street people doing drugs, living in shelters. They think children don't know they are supposed to work. They think people enjoy the degrading act of using food stamps.
I would like them to live MY life - and many people are far worse than I am. I work, Wayne works. Through a lot of bad luck, much of which was my lack of a college education, my dead first husband, and the economy crashing, I have pretty much lost everything. But I did send my girls to school, not as much help as I wanted to be.
People know I live in a truck. Yet they still ask if I went to this or that restaurant, or a social thing. It is a struggle to keep the mud off my clothes to get to work. It's a choice between gas in the car or a haircut for 30.00. My hair has not been cut in 14 months - not by choice. I am only maybe 15,000 short and I will have a real life again - one with a house! And all the people who pretend to care about others would never "donate" a few bucks a week to a real family in trouble; they will talk the talk and take themselves out. If I had a friend or family member or acquaintance who was living a very difficult life, where every day you literally have to work to survive - make the wood for the heat, keep the fire safe, protect from storms, clear the road to get to work - I would send them a few bucks before I bought a needless trinket. But politicans certainly do NOT understand that that happens to real people. You might not know by looking at me that I play beat the bank every payday to eat and gas up the car for work. And that an extra expense of $50 really hurts. If anyone asks, this is not directed to anyone in particular - it is meant to open everyone's eyes to the reality "regular" people live right now.
So when people tell me all about their wonderful experiences, I'm not so much jealous, as shocked that they can be so self-absorbed that they tell me about it as if I can relate. The last trip I took was 3 days at the shore almost 5 years ago for my honeymoon. And that's reality for a lot of people.
So, Mr. Gingrich, instead of having the school children put the custodians out of work, perhaps YOU should live like a real person for a while. Wonder if Calista will stick around if you live in a truck.
They picture street people doing drugs, living in shelters. They think children don't know they are supposed to work. They think people enjoy the degrading act of using food stamps.
I would like them to live MY life - and many people are far worse than I am. I work, Wayne works. Through a lot of bad luck, much of which was my lack of a college education, my dead first husband, and the economy crashing, I have pretty much lost everything. But I did send my girls to school, not as much help as I wanted to be.
People know I live in a truck. Yet they still ask if I went to this or that restaurant, or a social thing. It is a struggle to keep the mud off my clothes to get to work. It's a choice between gas in the car or a haircut for 30.00. My hair has not been cut in 14 months - not by choice. I am only maybe 15,000 short and I will have a real life again - one with a house! And all the people who pretend to care about others would never "donate" a few bucks a week to a real family in trouble; they will talk the talk and take themselves out. If I had a friend or family member or acquaintance who was living a very difficult life, where every day you literally have to work to survive - make the wood for the heat, keep the fire safe, protect from storms, clear the road to get to work - I would send them a few bucks before I bought a needless trinket. But politicans certainly do NOT understand that that happens to real people. You might not know by looking at me that I play beat the bank every payday to eat and gas up the car for work. And that an extra expense of $50 really hurts. If anyone asks, this is not directed to anyone in particular - it is meant to open everyone's eyes to the reality "regular" people live right now.
So when people tell me all about their wonderful experiences, I'm not so much jealous, as shocked that they can be so self-absorbed that they tell me about it as if I can relate. The last trip I took was 3 days at the shore almost 5 years ago for my honeymoon. And that's reality for a lot of people.
So, Mr. Gingrich, instead of having the school children put the custodians out of work, perhaps YOU should live like a real person for a while. Wonder if Calista will stick around if you live in a truck.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
The Best Gift
Today my oldest baby is 27. I played over and over for her the lyrics to "The Best Gift" by Barbra Streisand. I am trying so hard to focus on positive memories - why do the horrible ones overshadow?
Like the year 1997, knowing I had to bring Tony to the hospital 12/26, knowing he would probably start actively dying, barring a miracle.
The 1995 - last normal Christmas with him hoping the lump would react to the antibiotics he was on. Needless to say, it didn't. The first one without him, in 1998, when I had my first panic attack a few days before, went through the motions, then got the flu with Ashley Christmas night. The Christmas Eve Bo got hit by a car and spent the night in the vet hospital. He was okay though.
I miss when my girls were little and I made yarn loops to count down the days till Santa came. And the Advent calendar, where every year, Ashley ate the whole months worth of chocolate by Dec. 3 and always got a second one. Wonder why she's spoiled. When she climbed on a chair to reach the top of the refrigerator to get the candy.
Tony and I got engaged on Christmas of 1981. Wayne and I got engaged on Christmas of 2006. Those were good ones.
Now I live in a place the both of us can't leave too long, since we have to keep a fire going for survival and heat, we've had trespassers, and the pipes could freeze. And the girls dogs have to be taken care of. It's really hard, and I'm really tired.
So good health, and good luck, and love, is all I wish for. And peace.
Like the year 1997, knowing I had to bring Tony to the hospital 12/26, knowing he would probably start actively dying, barring a miracle.
The 1995 - last normal Christmas with him hoping the lump would react to the antibiotics he was on. Needless to say, it didn't. The first one without him, in 1998, when I had my first panic attack a few days before, went through the motions, then got the flu with Ashley Christmas night. The Christmas Eve Bo got hit by a car and spent the night in the vet hospital. He was okay though.
I miss when my girls were little and I made yarn loops to count down the days till Santa came. And the Advent calendar, where every year, Ashley ate the whole months worth of chocolate by Dec. 3 and always got a second one. Wonder why she's spoiled. When she climbed on a chair to reach the top of the refrigerator to get the candy.
Tony and I got engaged on Christmas of 1981. Wayne and I got engaged on Christmas of 2006. Those were good ones.
Now I live in a place the both of us can't leave too long, since we have to keep a fire going for survival and heat, we've had trespassers, and the pipes could freeze. And the girls dogs have to be taken care of. It's really hard, and I'm really tired.
So good health, and good luck, and love, is all I wish for. And peace.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Hunting season
Well, the good news is there was very light traffic this morning. The bad news is, that's because it's hunting season. Grown men are out there with guns. And they are not all the brightest bulbs. First of all, why do you need to drive a camo Hummer when you live in suburbia? WTF do you think you could possibly need that ugly, gas guzzling tank to do for you? Get a good spot at Wal-Mart?
Okay, I know some people hunt to eat. Not talking about them. (Also, I believe that is one percent, if that). Why yes, bears can be a nuisance and a few of them are aggressive. HELLO???? Have you met the population? Of people? MOST of them are a nuisance, and many of them are aggressive. When do I get to sit in a tree and pick them off? Never - that's murder.
And the deer are going to be hit by cars. Well, the people are going to die of something too. Start loading! And I know from last year that the geniuses set up a "weigh station" or whatever the hell you call it, at the most congested traffic light on my way home. So yes, again, it's all about me. I do not want to sit in traffic, but I REALLY don't want to watch these Bubbas with their dead trophies.
I see the wildlife on my property, and it is so awesome. The thought of killing any of them for sport makes me want to vomit. It isn't nature - that takes care of itself. It's morons who think they are manly by killing. Not so different from some of those in prison. Shit. I hate this time of year. "Peace on earth, good will toward man, now ready, aim, fire."
Okay, I know some people hunt to eat. Not talking about them. (Also, I believe that is one percent, if that). Why yes, bears can be a nuisance and a few of them are aggressive. HELLO???? Have you met the population? Of people? MOST of them are a nuisance, and many of them are aggressive. When do I get to sit in a tree and pick them off? Never - that's murder.
And the deer are going to be hit by cars. Well, the people are going to die of something too. Start loading! And I know from last year that the geniuses set up a "weigh station" or whatever the hell you call it, at the most congested traffic light on my way home. So yes, again, it's all about me. I do not want to sit in traffic, but I REALLY don't want to watch these Bubbas with their dead trophies.
I see the wildlife on my property, and it is so awesome. The thought of killing any of them for sport makes me want to vomit. It isn't nature - that takes care of itself. It's morons who think they are manly by killing. Not so different from some of those in prison. Shit. I hate this time of year. "Peace on earth, good will toward man, now ready, aim, fire."
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
I'm so happy to help you!
Why do some people think they are entitled to everything? If a doctor has about 600 patients, why should the lowly office manager remember the details of 600 insurance plans? You have ONE insurance - if you can't keep track of it, how the hell do you think I can?
And leaving a voice mail, with no phone number, and identifying yourself as "Mary". Oh gee, that narrows it way down! And make sure you speak so slowly through the message, with every boring fact that has nothing to do with the call; then, when you are going to leave your call back number, babble it so fast that I have to replay the message from hell three times to get your number!
Then, call at 9 and ask a standard, non-urgent, question. Then, call back at 9:10 to see what the Dr. said. The doctor said nothing!!The doctor is seeing patients and doesn't need to be alerted to your call. Everyone is so me-me-me.
And I'm not talking about sick people. Really sick people will get the attention they deserve; they also are the ones who are "sorry to bother you, but since my arm is falling off, can I come in next week sometime?" Whereas the grown men who wake up with a runny nose need to be seen ASAP!! "How long has your throat been sore?" "Since I woke up!!" Have a lozenge and drink some tea.
Do not describe your bowel movements to the receptionist when you call. Especially since you think it's connected to your runny nose. It isn't.
And when you are 40 years old, do NOT have your mommy make your appointment. I then ask "How old is little Johnny?" and the mother says "40, but he's young for his age". Make that stupid for any age.
And please don't ask me why the law can't change so that we keep only YOUR chart way longer than seven years. It is seven years since we last had contact with you. So if you call in 2002, then call back in 2011, don't act like we have lost the secrets to the universe.
And, one more thing. Don't call me to ask if your prescription is ready. Do we look like a pharmacy? Do we sell candy and cigarettes? How about you call the pharmacy? They should know if they have filled your prescription.
Okay, time to smile and deal with it all!
And leaving a voice mail, with no phone number, and identifying yourself as "Mary". Oh gee, that narrows it way down! And make sure you speak so slowly through the message, with every boring fact that has nothing to do with the call; then, when you are going to leave your call back number, babble it so fast that I have to replay the message from hell three times to get your number!
Then, call at 9 and ask a standard, non-urgent, question. Then, call back at 9:10 to see what the Dr. said. The doctor said nothing!!The doctor is seeing patients and doesn't need to be alerted to your call. Everyone is so me-me-me.
And I'm not talking about sick people. Really sick people will get the attention they deserve; they also are the ones who are "sorry to bother you, but since my arm is falling off, can I come in next week sometime?" Whereas the grown men who wake up with a runny nose need to be seen ASAP!! "How long has your throat been sore?" "Since I woke up!!" Have a lozenge and drink some tea.
Do not describe your bowel movements to the receptionist when you call. Especially since you think it's connected to your runny nose. It isn't.
And when you are 40 years old, do NOT have your mommy make your appointment. I then ask "How old is little Johnny?" and the mother says "40, but he's young for his age". Make that stupid for any age.
And please don't ask me why the law can't change so that we keep only YOUR chart way longer than seven years. It is seven years since we last had contact with you. So if you call in 2002, then call back in 2011, don't act like we have lost the secrets to the universe.
And, one more thing. Don't call me to ask if your prescription is ready. Do we look like a pharmacy? Do we sell candy and cigarettes? How about you call the pharmacy? They should know if they have filled your prescription.
Okay, time to smile and deal with it all!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
I am not kidding
I am on hold with Horizon, trying to get the 2.00 owed to us on a claim. Swear to you, my representative's first name is Bon Jovi. I just give up. Are things this bad? Have they run out of all other names to make up? Can I get Cher please??
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Goodbye, Regis
Why was I more emotional than Regis Philbin on his last show? Well, he has had a wonderful career and life and is loved by many. I wasn't a total wreck, but I was about on par with Kelly Ripa - and she's getting the whole show!
I met Regis and Kathie Lee many years ago when a friend and I went to their show. They stood on stage after the show and greeted and signed autographs for anyone in the audience who wanted. I had Kathie Lee sign - a baby picture of my Ashley. Lori (my friend) had Regis sign my Amanda's picture. (We had no paper with us at all - it's what was in my wallet).
And I still like Kathie Lee. I love her album that I still listen to. She seems kind. And Regis seemed like what you see is what you get. A nice man.
Television has often made me cry. When Gary got killed on "Thirtysomething", I didn't sleep that night. I also cried when Boner joined the service on "Growing Pains". And I am a mess on the final episode of any show; even if I never really watched it alot, tell me it's over and I'm there. Then I curse that I didn't watch it enough.
A lot like life - appreciate it when it's here - not when it's ending!!
I met Regis and Kathie Lee many years ago when a friend and I went to their show. They stood on stage after the show and greeted and signed autographs for anyone in the audience who wanted. I had Kathie Lee sign - a baby picture of my Ashley. Lori (my friend) had Regis sign my Amanda's picture. (We had no paper with us at all - it's what was in my wallet).
And I still like Kathie Lee. I love her album that I still listen to. She seems kind. And Regis seemed like what you see is what you get. A nice man.
Television has often made me cry. When Gary got killed on "Thirtysomething", I didn't sleep that night. I also cried when Boner joined the service on "Growing Pains". And I am a mess on the final episode of any show; even if I never really watched it alot, tell me it's over and I'm there. Then I curse that I didn't watch it enough.
A lot like life - appreciate it when it's here - not when it's ending!!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Music, Music, Music
They have started playing all Holiday music on the stupid radio station. This started November 14. Come on!! What's worse is, they don't have a large selection of songs.
I realize that my favorite Christmas songs are really sad. My all time favorite is "My Grown Up Christmas List". When I heard the song the first time, Tony had cancer and the line "No more lives torn apart" really touched me. I still love that song. But really, we all have our life soundtracks.
I must admit there is a long disco period; mostly Cher. But, at the same time, I had my Barry Manilow. I had an embarrassing habit of writing lyrics of songs to express my feelings. I no longer do that - now I just write the lyrics in my journal. And my theme for a long time now is the line "I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life. My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with".
When Wayne and I were dating, a song came on and he said "Hey! That's my song!" and it was "Angry Young Man". I said the next song that played on the radio would be me. I asked for it. The next one was Queen. "Fat Bottomed Girls". Really. So after that, I said the next one would represent our relationship; "Highway to Hell" came on. I can't make this up.
But somehow, even with the sad songs speaking to me, country music is so real life; a lot of it expresses disappointment, but moving on. "Bye, bye, love, I'll catch you later, got a lead foot down on my accelerator, and I ain't looking back" is the perfect divorce song.
But, even with all the negative, there are two Gloria Estefan songs that really sum up my feelings; "Coming Out of the Dark" and "Always Tomorrow".
So, "Dream On", "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow", "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" and "Put On Your Sunday Clothes" when you feel down and out! and "Don't Rain on My Parade"!
I realize that my favorite Christmas songs are really sad. My all time favorite is "My Grown Up Christmas List". When I heard the song the first time, Tony had cancer and the line "No more lives torn apart" really touched me. I still love that song. But really, we all have our life soundtracks.
I must admit there is a long disco period; mostly Cher. But, at the same time, I had my Barry Manilow. I had an embarrassing habit of writing lyrics of songs to express my feelings. I no longer do that - now I just write the lyrics in my journal. And my theme for a long time now is the line "I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life. My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with".
When Wayne and I were dating, a song came on and he said "Hey! That's my song!" and it was "Angry Young Man". I said the next song that played on the radio would be me. I asked for it. The next one was Queen. "Fat Bottomed Girls". Really. So after that, I said the next one would represent our relationship; "Highway to Hell" came on. I can't make this up.
But somehow, even with the sad songs speaking to me, country music is so real life; a lot of it expresses disappointment, but moving on. "Bye, bye, love, I'll catch you later, got a lead foot down on my accelerator, and I ain't looking back" is the perfect divorce song.
But, even with all the negative, there are two Gloria Estefan songs that really sum up my feelings; "Coming Out of the Dark" and "Always Tomorrow".
So, "Dream On", "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow", "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" and "Put On Your Sunday Clothes" when you feel down and out! and "Don't Rain on My Parade"!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
I should've known at the senior prom
Okay, so maybe I should've known my life wouldn't go according to plan when my prom date left with another guy.
I should start at the beginning. I will use initials for all the characters, who are real people. A few weeks before the prom, my loser boyfriend broke up with me.
I called every single male I knew to go with me. No luck. Let me mention at this time one of my best friends was a guy, T, who I was in denial about, but was gay. Now my best girlfriend, R, had a boyfriend who lived in Oklahoma and couldn't come, so T was to be her prom date. My mother girlfriend, D, had a boyfriend who was 28 and , technically, married. So she couldn't tell her family about him, and pretended T was to be her date. (All the moms loved him).
Well, T tells me to invite S - an old boyfriend of mine who I broke up with after he gave my father the finger. I wasn't allowed to hang out with him. So, I pretend T is my date.
T picks up R, presents her a corsage, and poses for pictures. T picks up D, does the picture thing, and drops D at the garage where her date awaits (he owned the garage). Now R and T come get me, pretending we are picking up R's date on the way; pictures, blah, blah.
We pick up S on the way.
About an hour into the prom, R and I notice our "dates" are gone. I have forgotten to mention that one of the reasons I broke with S was he thought he was attracted to men (I had something important on my 17 year old mind, like my hair or something).
After some asking, it was determined the boys had gone out to "get a beer". Uh huh. R then asked me what kind of losers go to the prom with guys who would rather be with each other. I told her exactly what kind of losers, and she was speaking to one, and she was the other.
I should start at the beginning. I will use initials for all the characters, who are real people. A few weeks before the prom, my loser boyfriend broke up with me.
I called every single male I knew to go with me. No luck. Let me mention at this time one of my best friends was a guy, T, who I was in denial about, but was gay. Now my best girlfriend, R, had a boyfriend who lived in Oklahoma and couldn't come, so T was to be her prom date. My mother girlfriend, D, had a boyfriend who was 28 and , technically, married. So she couldn't tell her family about him, and pretended T was to be her date. (All the moms loved him).
Well, T tells me to invite S - an old boyfriend of mine who I broke up with after he gave my father the finger. I wasn't allowed to hang out with him. So, I pretend T is my date.
T picks up R, presents her a corsage, and poses for pictures. T picks up D, does the picture thing, and drops D at the garage where her date awaits (he owned the garage). Now R and T come get me, pretending we are picking up R's date on the way; pictures, blah, blah.
We pick up S on the way.
About an hour into the prom, R and I notice our "dates" are gone. I have forgotten to mention that one of the reasons I broke with S was he thought he was attracted to men (I had something important on my 17 year old mind, like my hair or something).
After some asking, it was determined the boys had gone out to "get a beer". Uh huh. R then asked me what kind of losers go to the prom with guys who would rather be with each other. I told her exactly what kind of losers, and she was speaking to one, and she was the other.
Monday, November 14, 2011
I want to start over
There's a theory that we pick our path in life before we're born. Well, I think I must have been lazy and got on the short line. The one where life will continue to be disappointing, heartbreaking and hard.
The long line was probably the one where your biggest problem would be getting a convenient nail appointment.
I have no patience for whiny princesses (and they come in men, too) who cannot handle the least little problem. Oh No! I have to clean out the garage. Well, gee, we have to make firewood to have heat to stay alive. We have to cover the stuff outside with tarps because we can't afford to build the barn.
People get upset when they don't get the play tickets they prefer; it's a good week when we can afford gas to get to work, gas to run the saw to make the wood to heat, and dog food. Ice cream from the supermarket is a treat.
A broken nail is not a tragedy; being on line to pick up the anti nausea drugs for your dying husband is a bit worse.
I once heard a woman say "I told him, if I can't have a new minivan, I don't want anything!" and her assisine friends were in agreement.
I see horrible parents whose kids grow up and adore them. Can't do enough for them. I loved and coddled and adored my babies, and they hate my husband and tolerate me. Life is so hard. And I'm whining again and I'm sorry - but at least you're invited to my pity party.
The long line was probably the one where your biggest problem would be getting a convenient nail appointment.
I have no patience for whiny princesses (and they come in men, too) who cannot handle the least little problem. Oh No! I have to clean out the garage. Well, gee, we have to make firewood to have heat to stay alive. We have to cover the stuff outside with tarps because we can't afford to build the barn.
People get upset when they don't get the play tickets they prefer; it's a good week when we can afford gas to get to work, gas to run the saw to make the wood to heat, and dog food. Ice cream from the supermarket is a treat.
A broken nail is not a tragedy; being on line to pick up the anti nausea drugs for your dying husband is a bit worse.
I once heard a woman say "I told him, if I can't have a new minivan, I don't want anything!" and her assisine friends were in agreement.
I see horrible parents whose kids grow up and adore them. Can't do enough for them. I loved and coddled and adored my babies, and they hate my husband and tolerate me. Life is so hard. And I'm whining again and I'm sorry - but at least you're invited to my pity party.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Life and Grief
When Tony, my first husband, was 36, he got cancer. It was Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The "good" kind. It had been curable for several decades. He did everything right, from treatment to the best attitude in the world. Two years later, he died at home.
Hundreds of people came to his wake. All said "If there's anything I can do...." and I'm sure they meant it. Why is it then, that my two kids (HIS two kids, also), who were only 10 and 13 at the time, and I were so easily forgotten? Don't get me wrong - some people were wonderful - and still are.
But did anyone wonder what it was like to raise two kids on your own on a receptionist's salary? And why did anyone wonder why, after ten years or so, everything caught up with me? That I had mortgaged myself into a huge hole to provide for my kids?
I know many people have it far, far worse than I do. I'm not comparing. But sometimes I think if each of those people who offered help sent me $10.00, I wouldn't be in such a mess.
Wow - that's not what I intended to write. I wanted to mention my Bereavement Support Group. Going on over six years now, I have met the most incredible people. And that has been a real blessing - I have forged a closeness with people I never would have met otherwise. My best friend is a woman I met at the Teen Bereavement Camp I bribed my girls to attend (Backstreet Boys tickets were involved).
And I would do anything in the world to bring Tony back - anything. But since I don't have that power, I AM grateful for the blessings of the beautiful people I now know. And THAT'S what this post was going to be about!
Good night all!
Hundreds of people came to his wake. All said "If there's anything I can do...." and I'm sure they meant it. Why is it then, that my two kids (HIS two kids, also), who were only 10 and 13 at the time, and I were so easily forgotten? Don't get me wrong - some people were wonderful - and still are.
But did anyone wonder what it was like to raise two kids on your own on a receptionist's salary? And why did anyone wonder why, after ten years or so, everything caught up with me? That I had mortgaged myself into a huge hole to provide for my kids?
I know many people have it far, far worse than I do. I'm not comparing. But sometimes I think if each of those people who offered help sent me $10.00, I wouldn't be in such a mess.
Wow - that's not what I intended to write. I wanted to mention my Bereavement Support Group. Going on over six years now, I have met the most incredible people. And that has been a real blessing - I have forged a closeness with people I never would have met otherwise. My best friend is a woman I met at the Teen Bereavement Camp I bribed my girls to attend (Backstreet Boys tickets were involved).
And I would do anything in the world to bring Tony back - anything. But since I don't have that power, I AM grateful for the blessings of the beautiful people I now know. And THAT'S what this post was going to be about!
Good night all!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
This is Horizon, how may I help you?
I have been being pleasant to people for a living for thirty years. When I snap, it's gonna be ugly. Take this fun exchange; I call the health insurance company, and while I have done this countless times, it's always a new adventure.
The company has two employees - Miss Jones and Mr. Smith. I think that's why the wait on the phone is so long. Ah, lucky day! Miss Jones!! Except this is a new Miss Jones, and I think she started the job 30 minutes ago with no training. Guess the other Miss Jones gave up - she'd have to. She knew what she was doing. Today I am calling to find out why a claim was denied. I give them all the info. They tell me they have no record of receiving said claim. I, quite nicely, ask how they sent a denial of a claim they never received. I have stumped Miss Jones. She repeats her script, asking me to resubmit. Of course I will - we need to receive the $7.24 they will eventually pay my employer, a medical specialist. Miss Jones does not grasp the concept of denying something that doesn't exist in their world. I have spent 40 minutes (29 on hold) to try to beg this billion dollar company to send my office less that a cheap pizza special price. I am exhausted and I just got here.
The company has two employees - Miss Jones and Mr. Smith. I think that's why the wait on the phone is so long. Ah, lucky day! Miss Jones!! Except this is a new Miss Jones, and I think she started the job 30 minutes ago with no training. Guess the other Miss Jones gave up - she'd have to. She knew what she was doing. Today I am calling to find out why a claim was denied. I give them all the info. They tell me they have no record of receiving said claim. I, quite nicely, ask how they sent a denial of a claim they never received. I have stumped Miss Jones. She repeats her script, asking me to resubmit. Of course I will - we need to receive the $7.24 they will eventually pay my employer, a medical specialist. Miss Jones does not grasp the concept of denying something that doesn't exist in their world. I have spent 40 minutes (29 on hold) to try to beg this billion dollar company to send my office less that a cheap pizza special price. I am exhausted and I just got here.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Life behind a dump truck
Commuting is interesting. For many years, I worked within a few miles of home. For the past year and a half, I've been commuting 22 miles each way. I know - many people do way more than that and I have no right to complain. I do love my job now, which makes it worthwhile.
Within the past two months, I have seen parts of the county I didn't know existed. Detours started with Hurricane Irene and continued with the October snowstorm. Dodging trees, power lines, road crews, joggers (??), and the usual array of suicidal wildlife became the norm.
I have a three minute window of opportunity to leave in the morning before all traffic hell breaks loose.
New this month is a line of dump trucks that all want to be first in line when the sandpit opens. They will cut you off as if their lives depend upon it, to then pull over to the shoulder to wait for admittance. Why are the dump trucks behind me always in a huge hurry, flashing their lights, cursing at me as I round a dark bend? The same truck will pass me and suddenly become Mr. Law and Order driving below the speed limit. And, I must point out, we all end up stopped at the same red light at the same time.
Most truck drivers are probably decent people; some are really scary.
And when I am within my window of opportunity and leave on time, it really annoys me when anything slows me down. Like the loose horse on the highway yesterday, with the poor woman trying to catch him. I felt so sorry for her; but no one got hurt and the horse was led back with a bucket of food (I relate!). That's something that I understand; Bubba in a hurry and tailgating I do not understand. Back off Bubba.
Within the past two months, I have seen parts of the county I didn't know existed. Detours started with Hurricane Irene and continued with the October snowstorm. Dodging trees, power lines, road crews, joggers (??), and the usual array of suicidal wildlife became the norm.
I have a three minute window of opportunity to leave in the morning before all traffic hell breaks loose.
New this month is a line of dump trucks that all want to be first in line when the sandpit opens. They will cut you off as if their lives depend upon it, to then pull over to the shoulder to wait for admittance. Why are the dump trucks behind me always in a huge hurry, flashing their lights, cursing at me as I round a dark bend? The same truck will pass me and suddenly become Mr. Law and Order driving below the speed limit. And, I must point out, we all end up stopped at the same red light at the same time.
Most truck drivers are probably decent people; some are really scary.
And when I am within my window of opportunity and leave on time, it really annoys me when anything slows me down. Like the loose horse on the highway yesterday, with the poor woman trying to catch him. I felt so sorry for her; but no one got hurt and the horse was led back with a bucket of food (I relate!). That's something that I understand; Bubba in a hurry and tailgating I do not understand. Back off Bubba.
How do people do this?
Took me ten minutes to find myself (literally, not spiritually) - I hope this gets easier because I have so many things to say!!
Monday, November 7, 2011
I know that 50 isn't old. But it hit me recently that I will be 50 in three months. How did that happen? My life has not gone at all the way I thought it might. Granted, I should have prepared better, and I made some wrong choices. But come on! I'm a nice person and I never hurt anyone if it can be avoided. So why do I usually have less than 10.00 in my wallet, and not much more any where else?
I work. I've always worked. I'll explain more as time goes on. Right now I have a job I really like. This is big news in my life, because there have been quite a few duds.
I can honestly choose "all of the above" to marital status. Right now I am married. I can also truthfully say that my therapist married the dentist that fired me because my husband had cancer.
Lots more to come.
Linda
I work. I've always worked. I'll explain more as time goes on. Right now I have a job I really like. This is big news in my life, because there have been quite a few duds.
I can honestly choose "all of the above" to marital status. Right now I am married. I can also truthfully say that my therapist married the dentist that fired me because my husband had cancer.
Lots more to come.
Linda
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